They say how we perceive our world is everything.
Our thoughts fire up our feelings, and then we take actions on said feelings. If we change our thoughts we can change the trajectory of our lives. We can heal, we can grow. I have found all these things to be true. Changing my thoughts has helped me for the better.
There exists, however, one thought I can’t seem to shake off. It keeps creeping in, despite the work I’ve done around it. It is the one that whispers: not enough
Not enough money, not enough time, not enough talent, you name it. It is insidious in nature and I’ve often wondered why I can’t shake it. In the last couple of years though, I have pieced together an explanation that includes intergenerational scarcity and its traumas.
As far back as I can remember, I have heard stories such as these from my mother (translated from their original Spanish):
Story 1- When I was a little girl, there was no money for any toys, I had to make my dolls out of scraps found in the house.
Story 2- There were nights when we would go to bed hungry. There were days in which your grandmother would cook whatever was left in the fridge in one pot and cook for us. Then she would serve all seven of us. Whatever scraps were left in the pot was all she had left to eat.
The last time I heard that second story I was left in tears visualizing my grandmother experiencing hunger. Even as I wrote them out for this blog, an aching came to my heart. These stories also explained a lot of my mother’s (and her siblings) spending habits; turns out she was giving her inner child everything she was not given when she was an actual child.
Although I didn’t experience these stories myself, it almost felt like I did, because I didn’t know how to seperate my story from that of my maternal figures. That is how generational cycles work, I hadn’t experienced that level of poverty, but I grew to fear it.
It is no surprise, reader, that immigrants and immigrant children over-prepare and over-work. For even when we do well, the possibility that things can take a turn still lingers.
A scarcity mindset may shine light on why some of my family member hoard material items. On the opposite end of the spectrum, it might explain why I don’t hoard things at all: the idea of minimizing helped me to not attach myself to things I could lose. It was a form of self-protection.
In my long but fruitful quest to nurture an abundant mindset, I have learned a ton. With love, I am sharing some of the things that have helped me, in the hopes it can help others (take what you need and leave the rest). Here is the list:
Notice - Pay attention to your thoughts and words. Are you receiving a gift with a ‘oh.. this is too much’ or are you basking in abundance with a ‘thank you, I accept this’?
Gratitude - Journaling a list of things to be grateful about has certainly helped my aching mind. If there is no time to journal, a quick verbal output of gratitude works, for example, ‘I am abundant in love, health, money, and friendships’.
Unlearning the common ‘money is the root of all evil’ trope. I’ve replaced it with: money is an energy currency that has the potential to elevate my life and the lives of those I love.
Taking inventory- I have listed all the things my family has accomplished, especially my mothers accomplishments, even when she minimizes them. I list my accomplishments as well, along with my husbands.
I honor the story of my family members without taking it as my own. This last one helps me put up personal boundaries around generational trauma.
This resetting and healing of the mind, when it comes to abundance, is new to me and it tests me in all sorts of ways. Just last week I received a ticket in the mail for a traffic violation, for which I had to take some deep breaths, look at my bank account, and remind myself that I am no longer that young adult living paycheck to paycheck.
That isn’t to say that my situation does not come with some level of privilege, it sits on the backs of my grandmother, mother, and my mother-in-law (all immigrants in this country who came from poverty). Thanks to their sacrifices, my husband and I wouldn’t be in the position we are in. Him being the first to obtain a terminal degree, myself being the first to complete college, graduate school, and amongst the first to own a home.
Recognizing the privileges we have, during conversations regarding scarcity and abundance, brings me to an important last point: both receiving and giving are key elements required to practice an abundant mindset. If you seek to receive, don’t forget to give to others; allowing abundance to flow is part of the cycle. This model was taught to me by Liz Wolfe, coach, friend, and fellow NYer. Liz also emphasized that it is okay to ask for what we need, be it from someone else or from the universe.
I don’t know if I will break the generational cycle of scarcity in this lifetime, half that battle is inside my mind after all, but I do know that I am actively working towards it. I feel good about the work I’ve done so far and where it’s gotten me. No process is linear and without hiccups, and choosing abundant thoughts over ones of scarcity is something I do every single day.
As always, thank you for reading.
Reflective questions: What areas of your life could use an abundant type of mindset? How has a scarcity mindset affected you in the past? How do you conquer those thoughts?
Great post with practical help!
Your words inspire & encourage me. I, too, come from an immigrant family who lived & raised me in NY (!). Like you, I have been blessed enough to achieve a graduate degree, and along with my husband, now enjoy a relatively "easy" life. But I, like you, feel it is never enough. I always see the future looming as a tsunami that could wipe out all we have achieved. It is true that your own viewpoint shapes your future, so I am trying very hard to send out those vibes into the Universe, and to trust all will be as I hope. Thanks for sharing your thoughts--nice to know I am not alone.