Lately, I’ve been thinking about impermanence, the fact that nothing will last forever and as much anxiety as that fact can produce in me, there is also some relief in the inevitability of things.
Impermanence simply means ‘not permanent’; it is the understanding that all that surrounds you will vanish one day. Embracing impermanence is a foundational aspect of Buddhism, because if one accepts that everything is like air that will vanish (a moment, a person, a monument), one will suffer less because the attachment to those things is minimized. Attachment is equated to suffering.
For the layperson, like myself, who is not seeking enlightenment in this lifetime, impermanence looks different. For starters, there is little detachment from my toddler, I am at her mercy completely. I am also attached to my romantic partner, to several books, to my trinkets, my plants, the list goes on.
While I am not looking to completely detach in this lifetime, I do take the teachings of Buddhism in small healing doses. In the past few weeks, I have been experiencing the type of heavy stress that comes with returning to full-time-work (after 3+ years) and also coming home to being a parent. I must admit I haven’t been resting much, physically or mentally.
Did I mention I am also attached to this blog and to my writing? I have felt guilty that it’s been so long that I’ve put words to this space, and yet… guilt is not a particularly helpful feeling. Within the inner chaos of the past three weeks, the whispers inside my mind that say, ‘this moment will pass’, have been calling on me to detach from harder moments as needed.
That fluidity of wisdom that sometimes must be pulled from a deep well, can be healing in the haziest moments. Impermanence is such wisdom- nothing stays in place, readers, and for that lets be thankful. I am grateful my first two week at a new job have ended.
As I ponder about impermanence, I also had the following thought (as we can always count on contradictions to play devil’s advocate): but what about the happiest moments of my week- like the day my daughter said “love you so much, mommy” and looked at me with eyes that mirrored my soul? Can that moment be forever? We all know it can’t, and yet I cannot but offer a remedy- be as present as you can before those moments inevitably pass as all other moments do.
Keep that eye contact a little longer than you are comfortable with, when someone tells you they love you. Let it imprint inside of you and cast away the worries that originate from your brain, the nagging voice trying to ‘protect’ you by reminding you about the fickleness of life. For while it is true that most things are fickle as air, love is that one exception, in my humble opinion. Love is the stuff that transcends impermanence. The energy that keeps the universe expanding. Without it, there is no existence.
Thank you for being here <3
Until next time.
Thank you for sharing this piece Helen! I feel like with Buddhist teachings, I have to come back again and again to revisit the truths with different life experiences and conditions over the years, and your piece was a moment for me to pause and reflect on these teachings. I think love and attachment can be different things, but I do agree, as laypeople, one cannot be completely unattached to our loved ones, but perhaps just be mindful that this is one aspect of the many aspects of love :)
Dear Helen, I’ve come back a few times to this beautiful piece you’ve written, and on each reading, I feel that deeper and deeper layers unfold in my experience and response to it. While at yoga teacher training towards the end of 2022, I devoted more time than I ever had in my life until that point, contemplating the significance of impermanence, attachment and detachment. In particular, what it means to release attachment to those whom we love beyond words, and to life itself.
I feel that where I arrived at rhymed with these moving words you wrote –
“be as present as you can before those moments inevitably pass as all other moments do”
“Love is the stuff that transcends impermanence. The energy that keeps the universe expanding. Without it, there is no existence.”
For me to begin to comprehend how I might release attachment to life itself, I needed to know that I had lived each present moment as fully, fiercely and lovingly as I possibly could. Which also includes loving things, people, experiences we encounter in each present moment as fully and fiercely as I possibly can. Perhaps a different way of understanding how we might set out to live a life with as few regrets as possible?
Thank you for this invitation to pull from my own deep well, to think and remind myself about what truly matters, in the end.